


Finding Home

by timelostdoctor



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bi!Yaz is out, Bit of Fluff, F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mutual Pining, Romance, This is the opposite of a slow burn, bit of angst, speedrun maybe?, they're dumb and in love your honor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29330499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timelostdoctor/pseuds/timelostdoctor
Summary: When the TARDIS runs away leaving the Doctor stranded on Earth, her only real option is to move into the Khan apartment until she can find out what's going on.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 59
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

It had been quite clear on the Doctor’s face that she shouldn’t be faced with any sort of adventure. Despite wanting to do nothing more than fly off and explore, or maybe wring Ryan’s neck for taking half their team away, she took a breath and laid a hand on the Doctor’s shoulder. “Hey. Let’s go have tea at mine and then we can be off.”

The Doctor perked up, eyebrows raised and a smile gracing her face, though now Yaz could see that it was a bit put upon. Had it always been that way? It was way too easy for her to go from the dejected state the boys leaving had just left her in to this sudden cheerful mood. Even if she did have one happy heart. 

Yaz slowly made her way to the doors. “I’ll go up and tell mum you’re coming. See you in a mo’.” It was all she could do to tear herself away from the warm yellow interior. She looked back, taking it in, relishing in having it back. 

The atmosphere in the flat was tense. The last few months had not been pleasant, with Yaz spending her every spare moment searching for the Doctor. So when she walked in, her mother started back into their earlier disagreement. “I don’t like it at all, Yaz.”

“I know, mum. But she’s coming round for tea, so please, don’t do this in front of her.” Yaz sat on the couch with a groan as her mum shook her head and walked away. Her mum and dad were in the kitchen cooking, and Sonya was in her room, so for a moment, she had the room to herself. Maybe inviting the Doctor here hadn’t been such a good idea, but running off right that second didn’t seem like a good one either. The Doctor needed company, and at this point, Yaz was positive more was better.

Then she heard it, just faintly. Not loud enough to have bothered anyone else in the flat, but enough that attuned ears could hear it.  _ VWORP VWORP.  _ Yaz froze on the chair, eyes wide.  _ She wouldn’t. _

It was just a few seconds later when Yaz remembered to breathe. The door to the flat flew open, a frantic Doctor shooting through and straight to Yaz. Her eyes were wide, her mouth hanging open, utter confusion written across her face. “The TARDIS kicked me out and then she left me. Just went. And she won’t come back.” The Doctor clenched and unclenched her fists as she paced in front of Yaz. “What am I supposed to do?”

“We’ll figure it out,” Yaz said. “Are you sure it was the TARDIS and not something else?”

The Doctor flopped onto the couch next to Yaz. “That’s what all the readings say. I don’t know what to do without her. I think she’s mad at me.”

Yaz reached over and patted the Doctor’s hand. “It’s okay. She’ll come ‘round. What’s she got to be mad over?”

The all too familiar shadow passed over the Doctor’s face, the one that usually came before a complete subject change or some other manner of shutting down a line of inquiry. There were so many questions The Doctor refused to answer. She had never exactly been open, but since the Master had turned up, it was like she had shut down completely. 

The Doctor’s voice was quiet when she spoke. “I was gone for a while. Just left her by herself.” Then she jumped up from the couch. “Najia,” she called as she walked into the kitchen. “Yaz never said, did you get to keep your job at the hotel?”

At least her small-talk skills were getting better. She eyed them from her position on the couch as Najia shook her head. A frown graced her mother’s features, and Yaz could see her preparing for an inquisition, so she stood and found her way into the kitchen as well. 

“Been a while since we saw you, Doctor,” Hakim said. “How’ve you been?”

The Doctor paused just a second too long before affecting a grin. “Grand.” Everyone in the kitchen had noticed the hesitation, but thankfully no one said anything. “Do you need any help?” She rubbed her hands together, the picture of ready to work.

“No, I think we have taco night handled. Sit. Relax.” Najia gestured toward the table. It was all Yaz could do to suppress a snort. She wasn’t sure the Doctor knew how to relax. Then she caught her mother’s eye and knew the interrogation was starting anyway. “So, Doctor, have a name with your title?”

That, at least, was a question she was used to answering. “No. Well, used to like to go by John Smith every now and then. Just for fun, you know.” The Doctor frowned and Yaz could see her getting lost in her thoughts. “Though I haven’t in a while.”

“John Smith? That’s a bloke’s name.” Sonya had emerged from her room and was joining the Doctor and Yas at the table. 

The Doctor shrugged. “Yeah, well, it worked for me at the time. I was younger then.”

Sonya looked from the Doctor to Yaz, shaking her head. 

“Well how old are you now?” Sonya asked. 

The Doctor opened her mouth to answer, but no matter what she said, it would bring a barrage of questions that Yaz was not prepared to face. “She’s thirty-eight,” Yaz said quickly. The Doctor quirked her eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.

From the corner of her eye, Yaz could see that her mother had stilled. “So, you’re in for a treat. Tacos are something dad cooks really well.”

“I look forward to it. Missed your terrible pakora last time.” The Doctor looked at Najia. “Had to stop the spiders. But really that went quite well. Any other problems around?” The Doctor was on her feet again and Yaz was surprised she had remained seated as long as she had. “Anything weird?”

Sonya snorted. “Besides you?”

“Oi!” Yaz shot her sister a glare. “Don’t do that.”

The Doctor continued on as if she hadn’t heard the exchange. “Hakim, any more conspiracies for me to look into?”

WIth a chuckle, Hakim shook his head. “Sorry, no. Fresh out.”

The Doctor sighed. If she already had cabin fever this bad, Yaz didn’t want to think about what she would be like if the TARDIS didn’t show up soon. She decided to throw her a bone. “Doctor, my door is catching a bit. Do you want to look at that?”

“Yes,” she said, and was out of the kitchen before anyone could blink. The sound of a door opening and shutting a few times could be heard followed by the Doctor’s voice. “Seems fine.” Open. Shut. “I can make it better.”

All eyes were trained on Yaz. “She doesn’t really like to sit still. At all.”

Dinner was a strained affair, mostly because Yaz headed off any questions put to the Doctor. Then Yaz pulled her into her bedroom. She shut the door and turned, planning to launch into a lecture about what her parents could and couldn’t know, but stopped. “What did you do?”

The Doctor’s face lit up. “I fixed it for you! Me and my sonic. So glad I never take it out of my pocket.”

Yaz shook her head to clear it. She could talk about the room later. “Doctor, please. I haven’t told them what we do or what you are.”

“You haven’t?” 

Yaz shook her head. The look on the Doctor’s face was telling her that maybe it hadn’t been the right move. “I didn’t think you would want me to.”

Her energy levels had clearly dropped. “Right, well. I don’t mind, but it is your family. Is that why you wouldn’t let me talk at dinner?”

Yaz shrugged. “I mean, my family shares everything. We’re all still in the same flat. I just wanted you to myself.” She swallowed and looked at the Doctor. “What about the others who traveled with you? That Rose girl, and Jack?”

The Doctor clenched her jaw. “Yeah, Rose told everyone. Jack, he’s complicated, but I think everyone he considered family knew of me. I never hide who I am, and it always works out.”

The atmosphere was thick in the room, shattered only by a voice coming through the door.

“Hello, my loves. I’ve come for a visit!” Calls of greetings could be heard. Then the voice again. “Have I missed Yaz again?”

“She’s in her room with her weird friend,” Sonya said. 

“Yaz?” called Yaz’s nan, Umbreen. “Come out. There’s something I want to tell the family about that watch I gave you.”


	2. Chapter 2

The thoughts in Yaz’s mind swirled. Her nan was here - the nan who would most likely recognize the Doctor. She bit her lip, trying to think, when the Doctor took a step forward. “S’okay, Yaz. I have hidden before and I can do it again. I’ll go for a walk. Be back in a couple hours. They don’t have to know right now.”

With a guilty but relieved sigh, Yaz nodded. “Okay. It isn’t forever, Doctor. Just until I figure out how to tell them, okay?” She swallowed. “I need to make sure they won’t try to keep me from you or something.” 

The Doctor’s expression was unreadable but she nodded. Yaz jerked open the door to reveal Sonya, eyes wide and mouth agape. Her eyes flicked between the Doctor and Yaz before settling in a very unSonya like manner on her shoes. “Nan’s here. Wants to talk about something. We’re all in the kitchen with a brew.” She was off before anyone could say another word.

“I think that’s my cue. No one will see me leave.” Then the Doctor was gone, too, leaving Yaz standing in the doorway of her room. She rubbed a hand down her face and pushed everything that had just happened to the back of her mind. She could  _ not _ deal with that on top of everything else right now. 

Sonya wouldn’t meet Yaz’s gaze when she sat across from her. She had retrieved the watch from where she kept it, safe and hidden in her room. The tension at the table was palpable as all eyes looked to Umbreen. 

Umbreen held the watch reverently. “A long time ago, Pakistan was part of India, a place where the Muslim and Hindu faiths co-existed.” She continued, telling the story of falling in love with a Hindu man, of their devotion to each other, of their wedding day. Tears were freely falling down her lined face as she finally looked up to meet the eyes of her family. First they found Najia, Hakim, Sonya, and landed on Yaz. 

The tale had been devoid of all mentions of demons or aliens or the Doctor. The four strangers who had made her wedding possible, the odd woman who had led the ceremony and said such beautiful things about love, that was all there. That her love had been so viciously taken from her by his own brother was there, the gunshot resounding loudly in Yaz’s head so that her cheeks were wet by the time her grandmother finished and handed the watch back. 

“I’m so lucky to have you, my family.” Umbreen reached for Najia, who clutched her mother’s hand. They sat like that for a moment, until Sonya’s phone chirped and broke the atmosphere. Umbreen smiled and took a deep breath. “Now, didn’t Son say you had a friend over? Where are they? Trying to hide a boy from me, are you?”

Yaz laughed. “No, nan, I’m not hiding a boy. She’s gone out for a bit, dunno when she’ll be back.”

“She can stay away for a long while again if you ask me. Had you all out of sorts for months and then just pops back up? I didn’t like her when we first met and I like her less now.”

“Mum!” Yaz exclaimed. She looked to her dad for support and he grimaced. 

Hakim put a hand on Yaz’s shoulder. “Najia has a point, Yaz. All you ever call her is The Doctor. Do you even know her name?”

“The Doctor?” Umbreen’s gaze became fixed on Yaz, though a little distant as if seeing her in a different time. Yaz swallowed. 

Sonya, still unable to meet Yaz’s gaze, stood up. “I’m sorry, Yaz, but this is for your own good.” Then she looked at their parents. “They’re dating.”

The loud yell of “what” reverberated off the walls, a mixture of Yaz, Najia, and Hakim’s voices thundering into the silence that followed. 

It was at exactly that wrong moment that the front door opened. “Khan fam!” came the Doctor’s voice. “I bought custard creams!”

The slight flair of Najia’s nostril was all the warning Yaz got before her mother was storming into the living room. “You,” she yelled. The Doctor’s face morphed from a grin to wide-eyed shock at the rage Najia was emitting. She held up her hands, the creams dropping without a thought from her hand. She backed away until her back thunked against the door she had just come through. 

Yaz was on Najia’s heels. “Mum, stop!” she yelled. Her father grabbed her from behind. “Dad, get off!” She struggled, but his grip was firm. “What is wrong with you guys.”

Najia paid her no mind. “What kind of woman are you?” Her voice was low, cold. Dangerous. “Cavorting with teenagers. Yaz is a child. You’re nearly my age!” Despite the seriousness of the situation, the Doctor let out a whisper of a laugh. It was enough to send Najia over the line. “You’re a disgusting pervert.”

The Doctor’s confused eyes met Yaz’s. “Yaz?”

Then a new voice joined the chaos, stopping everything. “Doctor?”

Yaz jerked free from her father’s grip, rubbing at her arm. “Go ahead, Doctor. The truth can’t be as bad as all this.”

Their eyes met again and the Doctor nodded. She lowered her hands and stepped around Najia, who was now looking at her mother like she had two heads. 

“Umbreen!” The Doctor greeted her as if the last few minutes hadn’t happened. “Look at you!”

Umbreen reached out and the Doctor took her hand. “Me? Look at you. Haven’t aged a day.”

The Doctor gave a little shrug. “Yeah but I didn’t come the long way ‘round.” There was a smile on both their faces. 

“Is it true, what they’re saying? You’re dating my granddaughter?” The Doctor gave a quick eyebrow raise toward Yaz.

“No, nan. It isn’t.” The words  _ as if I could ever be good enough for her _ stuck to her tongue. “She’s my mate. Just just travel around together.”

Umbreen’s eyes glistened. “So it was you then?”

Yaz fell to her knees and clutched her grandmother’s hands. “Yes. After you gave me the watch. I had to know and asked the Doctor to take me.”

“And you know me,” the Doctor said. “Can’t resist giving her what she wants.”

Umbreen squeezed both their hands and they sat for just a second before Najia spoke. 

“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?”

////

In all, her family took the truth better than she thought. The wedding story, told again with all the details, with blanks filled in by each of them. Other stories, trips they had taken where their lives weren’t at risk. And then the final one. “Only reason I was so late is because the TARDIS is angry with me. I had it set to come straight after theirs, and she didn’t.” The doctor took a long, deep breath. But I’m here now. For a while, actually, since she ran off and left me.”

“You think you’re staying here?” Sonya asked, refusing to react to the withering glare Yaz sent her.

“Oh well, don’t have to.”

Yaz shook her head. “Nonsense. You’ll stay here with us.”

“Yaz,” Hakim said. He glanced at Najia with a subtle shake of his head. “Is that the best idea?”

After a beat Yaz nodded. “You’re right.” She looked over at the Doctor. “We can get our own flat.”

Before voice could raise and tempers could heat again, the Doctor stood. “I’m sorry. I don’t want any trouble.” She turned to Yaz, met her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She turned to walk toward the front door, but Yaz caught her arm. The Doctor turned, and Yaz knew they were both thinking of the last time they had been in this position. Of the Doctor yelling at Yaz, of the pain that had happened after, of everything that one small action represented. The Doctor’s eyes fluttered closed. 

“Please,” Yaz said.

That was all it took. The Doctor allowed Yaz to lead her back to the couch. 

After a silence so thick Yaz thought she would drown, her father stood. 

“Maybe we should all sleep on it. Talk in the morning. You can stay tonight, of course, Doctor. We won’t have you out on the streets.”

The Doctor met his eyes. “Thank you.”

Yaz could only hope this wouldn’t push the Doctor further away than she already was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was intense and is very unedited. I just really wanted to put it out so badly. Please let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Sidenote: Yaz is out as bi to her fam, it is only the age difference anyone had an issue with. Dunno if that was clear or not.


	3. Chapter 3

In the end, everything worked out. Definitely not perfectly, maybe not even well, but it worked, and that was what mattered. It helped, Yaz knew, that when her parents woke in the morning the leaky faucet in the bathroom had been fixed - the one two plumbers and a replacement hadn’t been able to solve. Every morning, something new was fixed or oiled or scrubbed.

By day the Doctor wandered, dragging Yaz along when she could. It was during one of these walks that Yaz let herself fall behind the Doctor, just a half-step or so. Sheffield she knew, she had lived here her entire life. The Doctor, though, stuck in her hometown? That was a brand new experience. 

The Doctor was different. She was quieter than normal, ate what was put in front of her without question, and, most importantly to Yaz, hadn’t opened herself one bit. Yaz had hoped that when it was just the two of them, the Doctor would be more open, more willing to share herself. But it seemed like she was more closed off than ever. Even during this walk she seemed lost in her own head.

Yax still remembered the Doctor, her expression and her tone, when she told the fam they asked too many questions. But how were they supposed to learn about her? She never shared anything anymore. Not since the Master.

Before that, she would tell them of people she met, sometimes even mentioning other people who had traveled with her. Now Yaz wasn’t sure she could get the Doctor to even tell her she was hungry.

Gathering up her resolve, Yaz decided it was time to try again. And that was really all she could do, try. It was up to the Doctor to meet her halfway. “So, Doctor,” Yaz said. “You ever done this before? Stay in place?”

“I have actually. I learned to be more patient. That sometimes the long way ‘round isn’t so bad.” She smiled. “You remember the year of the slow invasion?”

Slowly, Yaz shook her head. “The what?”

“The slow invasion?” The Doctor looked disconcerted. Still, she had her energy up as she continued, hands gesturing wildly. “The black cubes?”

“Oh yeah. I was a kid then. Where did you stay?” 

The Doctor paused in the middle of the sidewalk. “A kid?” When Yaz nodded, she took a seat on a nearby stone wall. Yaz joined her, looking at her with concerned eyes. “How old are you, Yaz?”

“Twenty-one. I’m an adult, Doctor. My mum was just being a mum, don’t worry.” Yaz reached out and put her hand on the Doctor’s. “She will always see me as a child.” The Doctor had that far off look again, the one Yaz kept catching since she came back. It was a new thing, and Yaz did not like it at all. “How old are you?”

“I don’t know.” The Doctor breathed it out like a confession, like a sin she didn’t want to bear. She was still a million miles away. “I’ve never known.” Under Yaz’s hand, the Doctor’s clenched into fists. “I don’t think I ever will.” The Doctor still wasn’t there, still wasn’t with her. 

Yaz turned over one of the Doctor’s hands and began slowly rubbing the little bit of exposed palm. As she massaged over the tense muscles and up toward the pinky, she found she was thankful that the Doctor kept her nails so short. If she hadn’t she would have drawn blood. Soon, Yaz’s thumb slipped under the Doctor’s pinky and she rubbed the muscles in the hand and all the way up the digit. She could feel the Doctor’s eyes on her now, felt their burning presence on her face, but she didn’t look over. Not yet. If she did that, the spell they were under right now might break, and she wanted to do this.This one small, insignificant thing that she could do. 

It took another five minutes for her to finish the hand, but she could sense the Doctor relaxing everywhere as she worked. Finally, she looked up and met The Doctor’s eyes. Her cheeks warmed under the intense gaze. “You can have your hand back now.” Yaz spoke low, still not wanting to break whatever this was.

“Thank you for staying with me.” The Doctor, Yaz felt, was looking directly into her soul. Their fingers laced together and they sat there for a while, watching life in Sheffield move around them.

///

Tensions were easing quickly between Najia and the Doctor. At least, until the utility bills came and the Doctor was told she must come up with a job. 

That led to Yaz and the Doctor walking around Sheffield, this time with Sonya in tow, since Najia said it was time Sonya found a job, too. “I had a job once in a shop in Colchester. Everyone loved me there. Maybe I should get a job at a shop? I worked in the toys. Well, I say worked. Played, really.” The Doctor had been talking since they left the apartment, seeming to openly share this tale, but Yaz realized it really told her very little about the Doctor. Just like everyone of her stories, it seemed there was so much more she wasn’t saying despite the amount of words coming from her mouth. “Actually, I was investigating!”

Sonya for her part looked bored, arms crossed and refusing to act like she was listening, though Yaz could tell she was. Still, Yaz gave the Doctor the prod she needed. “What were you investigating?”

The happy-go-lucky smile slipped from the Doctor’s face. “Oh right. Cybermen.” And there it was, the shutdown again. “Almost got my mate caught.” Yaz faltered in her walk for just a second before she sorted out her feet and was attentive at the Doctor’s side again. “He had a kid. A family.” She shook her head. “He almost paid my price. I do that so much.” 

The Doctor stopped walking then, mouth slightly open. “Wait, I already have a job. Well, had. U.N.I.T. shut down but I think I was still properly paid. Can I borrow a mobile?” Despite the eyeroll, Sonya offered the Doctor hers. “Thanks!” 

Yaz watched as she put the phone to her hear. “Kate Lethbridge-Stewart! You’re never going to believe who I am!” She pulled a disappointed face, sticking her bottom lip out for show at Yaz. “I guess you could then. But I’ve never been a woman before! How did you know?” An eye roll. “Oh. Right. You said once I was on the pay-roll for U.N.I.T. Where did that money go? What? No, I’m a bit stranded at the mo’. TARDIS is upset with me. Staying with me mate.” A long pause where she actually stopped moving, a small crease appearing between her brow as she listened. Then a gigantic smile. “Brilliant! Thank you so much!” She thrust the phone back at Sonya and then looked to Yaz with glittering eyes. “So, where’s the bank?”

It took a short walk and a google search for them to find the right one, but finally they did. Sonya left them there, saying she was going to go look on her own. 

The bank was, to Yaz’s disappointment, like every other bank she had ever walked into. A row of tellers, a couple offices, a couple of desks and seats for waiting. All done up in very neutral colors. They walked up to the lad at the counter with a smile. They had written down all the account information Kate had given the Doctor. “Hi! I’d like to withdraw.”

“Need your account number.” The teller’s voice sounded younger than Yaz had guessed him to be and was higher than she expected given his general muscular appearance. The Doctor rattled it off and he typed it in a slightly bored way, like he did it all day. Which, Yaz reasoned, he did. “How much do you want?”

The Doctor looked to Yaz, who shrugged. “All of it, I guess?” The Doctor said. 

The teller spluttered. “A-all of it? Uhm, are you sure?”

Realization dawned on Yaz quicker than the Doctor. “How much is in there?”

He swallowed. “Seven hundred and fifty thousand pounds.”

“Oh.” The Doctor smiled, looking at Yaz. “That a lot?”

“Yes, Doctor, that is a lot.” With a shake of her head, Yaz turned back to the teller. “She only needs about three-thousand for now, okay. Not all of it.” He took a shaky breath and nodded, counting out the bills. 

Out on the street and with the Doctor deciding she no longer needed a job, the Doctor decided they instead needed lunch. Yaz texted Sonya to meet them, and off they headed. 

///

Somehow, Sonya and the Doctor teamed up and picked one of Yaz’s least favorite places to eat. It wasn’t like she put up much of a fight. One pouty look from the Doctor and she gave in. 

It wasn’t that Yaz had forgotten the ten months the Doctor had been away. They had been so hard and the memory of seeing the Doctor standing there, a smile on her face yelling something about space jail, like she’d just had a fantastic romp with none other than Jack - no, that was more than she could stand sometimes. 

But then her mind would flash to her expression after Yaz had shoved her, to seeing her lying on the cold slab of rock, not knowing if she were dead, of trying to find her for months at a time, and she couldn’t bear to see her hurt anymore, either.

Yaz genuinely didn’t know what to do. Especially now that Ryan and Graham had left them to navigate this on their own. Sometimes she was angry, thinking of their departure, but mostly she understood. While Yaz didn’t think she would ever willingly leave, she understood. Ryan and Graham loved the Doctor, but they had been in it for the adventure, and Yaz, well. Adventure had stopped being Yaz’s priority a long time ago. By the time the Doctor jumped into the river to save a witch, she was absolutely smitten. Now, Yaz was sure she was devastatingly in love. 

Looking around the restaurant, Yaz frowned. The line had been long but she hadn’t thought it had been that long. Then she saw Sonya and the Doctor, seeming deep in discussion just paces from the pickup, trays in hand. Both their gazes fell on her, the Doctor’s lips in a tight line and worry wrinkling her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What could Sonya and the Doctor possibly be talking about?


	4. Chapter 4

The night sky was clear. The stars were shining brightly and, despite the coolness of the night, the Doctor sat outside of the apartment complex in the spot where her TARDIS used to sit. Yaz sat beside her. Both in silence. The Doctor was sitting still, crossed legged on the ground, and Yaz sat facing her. The Doctor had wanted to talk, she could tell, since lunch with Sonya earlier that day. She had been in a subdued mood all evening. When the Doctor had finally stopped with the searching looks and wondered outside, Yaz had simply followed. 

“I am so sorry, Yaz.” The Doctor looked at Yaz and it was like all her focus was on her. No more wondering mind, no more lost thoughts. Hazel eyes locked into brown, not daring to drop even a second of contact. “I’ve done you a disservice. I never talked to you about those months I was gone. Asked how you were or why you decided to stay when the others left. But I understand now. I did before, I think. I just refused to see it. To admit it to myself.” Yaz could hear the unspoken words piling behind the Doctor’s lips and yearned to pry them apart and let them free. But she couldn’t. 

Instead, she shook her head and leaned forward, closer. “What are you on about? What do you understand?”

The Doctor swallowed and her eyes held such deep sorrow and fear that Yaz wanted to assuage anyway she could. The Doctor picked up a pebble and rolled it between her hands. “I saw the TARDIS. The other one. The one I sent you home in. I saw your notes. I saw everything.” Yaz nodded slowly. If it was an apology the Doctor wanted, she wouldn’t be getting it. “I didn’t know. I didn’t know I would be late getting back, or that I would be sent to jail, or that I should have been keeping better tabs on you. Your sister said she was afraid for you those ten months.” The Doctor’s hands clenched but she looked straight into Yaz’s eyes. “She was afraid, she said, that you wanted to,” the Doctor paused, gathering a breath, as if it was physically painful to say the words, “to kill yourself again. She told me everything, Yaz.”

Angry hot fire burned through Yaz. So many betrayals in that once conversation. “She had no right to tell you that.” 

“Yaz,” the Doctor started, but Yaz shook her head.

Pushing up from the ground, Yaz found she was trembling. “That was mine to share, not hers. And I was fine, by the way. I just wanted to find you, to help you however I could. I thought maybe you had left a message, or, or something. Anything! I could use to find you and bring you back.” Yaz turned, facing away from the Doctor. She fought to control her volume as she spoke. “You left us with a time machine. I thought you had a plan.”

“I planned on you having great lives. Of forgetting me. Moving on.” 

The matter-of-fact explanation stoked the flames burning through Yaz and without thinking, without second-guessing, she stated, low and clear and with all the trembling rage she was feeling, “How do you think I was supposed to move on when the woman I love shoved me away to blow herself up? How am I supposed to let that go, Doctor?”

The Doctor’s voice was raw and pained and it threw water onto Yaz’s fire. “I let someone else take my place. Be my sacrifice, my effigy, in a war that should have been over so long ago. I did want to come back to you. No matter the cowardice, I fled. I ran, like I’ve always ran, away from home I ran away from that and toward my fam. To you.” The Doctor’s breath hitched as she breathed in, and it took all of Yaz’s willpower not to turn around. “But then I was taken to jail, and the TARDIS sat dormant for decades and the first trip was bound to be off but I wasn’t thinking and I came straight here. I never meant to miss all that time. I would change it if I could.” 

One word reverberated in Yaz’s head. Decades. 

Decades. 

_ Decades. _

How long had the Doctor been in prison?

Yaz turned to ask her just that but stopped when the Doctor grabbed her hands. “I never want you to hurt because of me, Yaz. I never want to be the source of your pain or your worry. I might not know myself right now, but I do know that much. Promise me you won’t ever let me destroy your life like that. I’m not worth it. I’m not worth any of the pain that I’ve caused.”

Yaz put her hand on the Doctor’s cheek and stroked it with a thumb. Then she lowered it, keeping a firm grip on the Doctor’s other hand. There was so much more to be said, but Yaz was spent, and the Doctor was getting that far off look on her face, and Yaz knew that whatever other words she had could wait for now. She lowered herself to the ground, tugging the Doctor down with her, and they both laid back and looked at the stars, not once loosening their grip on the other. 

////

It was after three in the morning when Yaz was woken by the Doctor screaming her name. Her room was pitch black and she tripped twice trying to get to her door. Najia was already there and kneeling next to the blonde, fluttering hands unsure of what to do. “Should I wake her?” she whispered at Yaz. 

Yaz could hear what she was saying now. “No! No, no.” She whimpered and Yaz felt her heart break in two. Yaz reached out and took her hand and the Doctor relaxed. Her next words were slurred. “M’sorry.” Her face started to pinch into worry. “M’not who I thought I was.” A tear rolled from the corner of her eye. It was like Yaz was frozen. She couldn’t move, couldn’t think. Just watched as the Doctor whimpered again. She said something else, but the words were too jumbled to make out.

Najia put a hand on Yaz’s shoulder. “Wake her, Yaz. I don’t think she’s having a good night.”

“Right.” Yaz reached out and shook the Doctor, gently at first but rougher when that didn’t seem to have an effect. 

The Doctor shot up with a gasp. She looked around wildly, her breathing heave. “What-” She relaxed when she saw Yaz. Her eyes fell closed for just a moment before looking back at Yaz and Najia. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Her hand tightened around Yaz’s. “It’s alright. I’m fine.” She gave them both a tight smile. “Just a dream.”

Yaz waited until Najia walked back to her room, the door shutting softly, before she sank onto the couch next to her. “What was your dream?” 

There was a long moment of quiet where Yaz barely dared to breath. “Gallifrey.” The Doctor sighed. “I’m not going to talk about it, Yaz.” 

The house was silent except for Hakim’s light snoring, but the living room was bright. “I wish you would talk to me.” When the Doctor didn’t say anything, Yaz continued. “After everything we’ve gone through, you should know you can open up to me. I know it hurts, Doctor. I understand that. But it isn’t going to get better if you keep it all in.” When she still didn’t get a response, she withdrew her hand from the Doctor’s strong grip. “I’m here when you need me.” She stood and leaned over, planting a kiss to the Doctor’s temple, and went back to her room.

When she glanced back before shutting the door, the Doctor had her face in her hands and her shoulders were shaking.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning came all too early and much too roughly. Someone was shaking Yaz awake. When she finally cracked open her eyes, though, she sat up with a start. “Doctor, is everything okay?”

“What? Yeah, of course,” she said. Yaz wanted to point out that just a few hours ago it hadn’t been, but she restrained herself. “Your mum just said today is your nan’s birthday. I have to get her a present! Come on, we need to go to the shops!”

Yaz fell back onto the bed with a groan. “She won’t even be here until dinner. We have loads of time.”

The Doctor grabbed her arm and pulled her up. “No! It’s your nan, Yaz. Come on!” 

Begrudgingly, Yaz did as she was asked and just two hours later, she was ready to go out. “I’ve never seen you get ready so slowly,” the Doctor grumbled. Yaz halted in putting her shoes on, moving as if she were in slow motion. 

When she met the Doctor’s exasperated expression, she laughed. 

It didn’t take long for Yaz to realize they might have needed all the time she had wasted. The Doctor was very particular about what she wanted to get. They walked into shops and out of shops and nothing seemed to be good enough. Or blue enough. Or it had a pear on it. With every shop, she complained about how she could have gotten something better on a different planet, in a different time, or already had the perfect thing on the TARDIS. Eventually, Yaz convinced her to buy a novelty picture frame shaped like a tree, and they printed pictures to of the Khan family to put in there. Yaz insisted on one of the Doctor as well.

Umbreen was already there when they returned and Sonya was setting the table. With a grin, the Doctor lifted the giftbag. “Mission accomplished!”

Dinner was a happy affair. Najia had made all of Umbreen’s favorite foods. A chicken curry and a seasoned fish, colorful vegetables, fluffy rice, and for dessert cookies and an apple tart. 

It wasn’t until after dinner that the Doctor started acting strangely. Her smiles seemed to really reach her soul, she laughed at every one of Hakim’s jokes, and she even wrapped her arm around Umbreen when she heard a song she liked coming from the radio they had on for background noise.

Najia pulled Yaz into a corner. “Is she okay?” Najia kept stealing glances at the Doctor as she laughed heartily at something Sonya had said. “Did you go to a pub? Is that what took so long?”

Yaz shook her head. “No. I don’t know what’s going on.” They both glanced over at the Doctor, who gave them a wave. “Honestly, she never even came near a drop.” Yaz picked her way over to the Doctor, putting a hand on her upper arm. She found a semiprivate space in the living room for them, where they wouldn’t be front and center like the Doctor had been for the last hour. She looked at her and spoke softly. “You feeling okay?”

“Yazmin Khan!” She was loud and spirited as she looked at Yaz. She took Yaz’s hand off her arm and held it in both of hers. “Have I ever told you what an amazing human being you are?” Her eyes widened and she leaned in closer. “Just being near you makes me warm all over.”

Yaz furrowed her brow despite the warmth spreading across her cheeks. “What?” She glanced at her family, who was watching with varying levels of amusement on their faces. 

The Doctor laughed again, falling forward and leaning on Yaz. She let her head rest on Yaz’s shoulder for a moment before she straightened and put both of her hands on Yaz’s shoulders. Yaz could feel her heart pounding, hear her pulse in her ears. “You are the only thing that keeps me going. I love you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes, Yaz. I tried so hard not to.” Her smile was slipping, the bubbly happiness of a few moments ago turning flat. 

Yaz opened her mouth, wanting to speak, to say anything, but she couldn’t find the words. Instead, the Doctor continued. “Everyone I love dies. They leave me. It isn’t their fault. I’m a Time Lord. I can never spend all my days with them, but my love. Oh Yaz, my love seems to destroy lives. I don’t want that for you.” A tear fell from her eye. “I meant it when I said I wanted you to live great lives. All I want is for you to be happy.” A choked sob came from the Doctor and she sank to her knees. Yaz searched the room and her panicked eyes landed on her mother, silently pleading for help. She pulled the Doctor into a hug, felt the tears and snot soak through her shirt. “I’m sorry, Yaz. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Doctor,” Yaz said. She rubbed her back, feeling the jackhammer that was the Doctor’s hearts. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

Then Najia was there, slipping a hand under one of the Doctor’s arms. “Come on, Doctor. Let’s go lie down, okay?”

The Doctor didn’t resist, allowing herself to be pulled away. With Najia on one side and Yaz on the other, they walked her to Yaz’s room and helped her lie back on the bed. Yaz sat next to her, stroking her hair. “Where’s all this coming from?” 

“Once you asked me to take you to my home. Everyone does.” She laughed even though it sounded hollow. Like an echo of something that was once funny. “I once thought I had destroyed it and then found out I saved it. I was so relieved, Yaz. I was still running, but I could go home, if I wanted. But the Master…” she grabbed tightly onto Yaz’s hand. “What he showed me. I have no way of knowing how many lives I’ve lived, who I’ve been. What I’ve done. The people of Gallifrey, they...they took me and...took from me and made themselves.” Her eyes, glistening, met Yaz’s. She blinked, slow and languid. “There’s so much I don’t know about myself, Yaz. I don’t even know what home means anymore.” She blinked again and didn’t open her eyes. Her face relaxed as her breathing slowed, and soon she seemed at peace. Yaz wiped the wetness from her face and sighed. 

Yaz looked at Najia. “Please don’t be angry with her,” she said. 

“Oh Yaz,” Najia said. She put a hand on Yaz’s shoulder. “How could I be?”

///

The next morning, the Doctor stumbled into the kitchen during breakfast. She was holding her head and her stomach and looked absolutely dreadful. “I think I’m dying,” she moaned. “Did you lot try to poison me?”

Hakim glanced at her over the sizzling of scrambled eggs. “Here, these should help.” The Doctor glared at the eggs, but still picked up a bite and shoved it into her mouth. Yaz sat a sweetened cup of tea in front of her. 

“What happened last night?” Yaz asked. She pulled a chair up beside the Doctor and cradled her own cup of tea. “You were...different.”

The Doctor frowned. “I don’t know. I hadn’t felt that way since my boyhood at the academy.” She chuckled at a memory, then grimaced and held her head. “The Master and I, we used to sneak in ginger every weekend and double when we played in our band.” 

“Ginger?” Hakim asked. “You get drunk on ginger?”

“Eh, essentially. It ultimately has the same effect as alcohol does on humans. I haven’t had any in ages though.” She chewed a bit of eggs thoughtfully and then nodded. “There was ginger in dinner last night, wasn’t there.”

Hakim gave her a nod. “In everything. Umbreen loves ginger.”

The Doctor sighed. Wrapping her fingers around her cup of tea, she sat back and looked at Yaz. “I made a fool of myself, didn’t I?”

Yaz felt her heart freeze for a moment. “You don’t remember?”

“I remember every second of it.” Her jaw clenched for a moment before she reached out and grabbed Yaz’s hand. She brought it to her lips and kissed the fingers. “Is your mum going to kill me?”

With the timing only a mother could have, Najia walked into the kitchen. “Now why would I do that?”

The Doctor leaned back in her chair. “You nearly tried to flog me the first day I was here!”

Najia paused, her back turned to them. “That was different.” She took a deep breath and turned to look at the Doctor. “I know you, now. I trust you.” She glanced at Yaz. “I give you my blessing.”

The Doctor smiled into her cup of tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been drunk and I don't know if I presented it very well, but hey! I did my best. 
> 
> How long do you think the Tardis decided to leave for?


	6. Chapter 6

It took days of dancing around the subject before either of them brought up the love confessions. They were on yet another walk around Sheffield, trying to cure the Doctor’s constant case of cabin fever. Their hands were intertwined and they were talking about nothing of real consequence. They were in the park watching ducks swim across a pond when the Doctor turned to Yaz. 

The Doctor took both of Yaz’s hands and looked into her eyes. The wind blew lightly, bringing the smell of woodsmoke as the Doctor took a deep breath. She opened her mouth to speak and then gave a nervous laugh. “Wow. I’m nervous. That doesn’t happen much.” She cleared her throat and nodded to herself. “The last time I said this I was fairly inebriated. That isn’t what you deserve, so I want to do it properly.” She licked her lips and a slow smile spread across her face. 

“Yazmine Khan, I adore you. You are the center of my universe. The axis on which I spin.” The words started flowing easier now that she had started. “You’re the one thing I’m sure about right now. My home is wherever you are. Be it Sheffield or the TARDIS or anywhere in between. I love you with every beat of my hearts and I will until the day they stop beating.”

The Doctor’s face softened. “Oh Yaz,” she whispered. Her hand came up and cupped Yaz’s cheek, brushing away a tear. Yaz didn’t trust herself to say anything, sure that if she did the burning in her throat would turn into actual tears of delight. Instead, she put her hand over the Doctor’s and they stood there, at the little pond in Yaz’s hometown. 

///

Yaz had convinced the Doctor to go to the cinema to watch some new science fiction movie that had been released. It was meant to be a first date of sorts, but it had ended early when someone had complained about the Doctor’s constant corrections to the spacecraft and they were thrown out.

Now they were huddled together just outside in the dark parking lot of the theater, leaning against the rough brick wall and taking in the night sky above. “Sorry again,” the Doctor said. “It was just all wrong.”

“Next time we won’t watch a space movie,” Yaz said. She hadn’t been so invested in the movie anyway. “Besides, our real life is much more exciting.”

The Doctor looked over to her with a grin. “It is, isn’t it? Our life is so much better than that.” The smile morphed into something closer than a smirk. “I’ll always be cooler than that.” Yaz snorted. The Doctor scrunched her nose. “I’ll take offence to that.”

Yaz giggled. “Yeah? If you keep making that cute face, I’ll need that to be a promise.” Yaz reached over and tucked a lock of blonde hair behind the Doctor’s ear. 

The Doctor took the hand into her own. “Think I’m cute, do you?”

“Come over here and find out,” Yaz said. She could feel the thump of her heart in her chest, hear her breaths coming and going, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the Doctor. 

“Maybe I will,” the Doctor whispered. She reached up and placed a hand on either side of Yaz’s face. She licked her lips as her eyes fell to Yaz’s own. “I’m going to kiss you now.” Yaz nodded and let her eyes flutter shut.

The kiss was a static shock of warmth running through her body. The Doctor’s lips were soft, gentle. The Doctor’s hands found themselves sliding around Yaz’s neck, pulling her closer, and Yaz responded in kind. She let her own arms wrap around the Doctor’s back, hands splayed and pulling the Doctor closer. She could feel the Doctor’s heartbeat, as fast as hers, smell the shampoo she used, let every sense be taken over by the Doctor.

They shifted slightly, so that Yaz was pressed against the cool brick of the building. The kisses became deeper. More needy. Yaz tangled one hand in the Doctor’s hair while the other kept a tight grip on her shirt. The Doctor’s hands found their way slowly drifting down Yaz’s sides, landing at her hips.

It wasn’t until the Doctor broke away and began planting kisses down her jawline, travelling to her neck, that Yaz remembered they were very much still in a public place. Gently she stopped the Doctor. Yaz took in the Doctor’s sparkling eyes, her kiss-swollen lips, the heady gaze she still had, and leaned in for one last chaste kiss. “Let’s go home, Doctor.”

///

Any further plans Yaz had for the evening were cut short before they even made into the flats. Without warning, the Doctor dropped Yaz’s hand and took off running. There, standing proudly where she always stood, was the TARDIS. The Doctor walked around her once, looking for damage and then turned to Yaz. “She came back! Look at that.” With a giddy expression, she turned to Yaz and threw open the door.

Yaz gave a glance back at her family’s flat and bit her lip. The last few weeks ran through her head and she found she was afraid. That whatever this was would end when life went back to Doctor-level normal. 

But then the Doctor grabbed her hand and leaned in close to her ear. “I mean, we could go back to your bedroom, or we could have all the privacy in the world here.” The Doctor’s raised eyebrows was all she needed to see before Yaz wrapped her arms around her again, lips crashing into each other. She giggled as the Doctor picked her up and carried her into the TARDIS, kicking the door shut.

Finally, they were home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that's all for this one folks! Let me know your thoughts on characterization and the like, and I'll see you in the next fic. Thank you all for your lovely support and your comments. I cherish each and every one.


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